How not to use a microwave

Busy bowling and juggling alternative facts and fake news on imaginary massacres and finding time-slots to promote Yvanka Trump goodie-bags, it is no surprise Kellyanne the Con never found time to read microwave manuals.

So watching how her CEO recently lashed out about some former US President bugging his Trump Tower, she decided to join the bandwagon.

With her CEO refusing to cough up his tax returns, refusing to show evidence his promise of donating his salary is actually taking place, ensuring his business empire still earns him mega bucks by busing his present job, while not coming clean about odd events at Russian hotels and related facts – Oh: and failing to come up with underpinning facts and solid proof for the wild claim about being bugged by a US President …

It was clear to even the dimmest senior aid, this CEO was in deep trouble – yet again.

So after a hard look at the complicated stuff in his or her kitchen, Conway drew a conclusion. The “ping-ping” which for the majority of the world announces a meal has been thoroughly nuked, actually means something completely different.

Apparently, according to this Queen of Fake Facts and Alternative News, it means the microphone and camera of your microwave is switched on or off.

Regardless of whether Mr Trump or Mrs Trump ever come anywhere near their kitchen, this is what the Queen of Fake Facts and Alternative News has publicly stated. According to Kellyanne Conway, spying microwaves are “a fact of modern life“.

After collapsing with laughter at this latest headline, it took a while for me to manage to actually read the UK Independent’s article. It is intended for readers of a heavier caliber than the Con. It drily states: “The unsubstantiated claim comes after Mr Trump’s evidence-free accusation he was wiretapped by Mr Obama during the presidential election …”

Of course, the Bad Dude and his government are not just feeling the laughter of a large part of the world on their necks. They also feel the angry breath of Senator John McCain, demanding proof of the pudding: evidence of wiretapping, bugging, ping-ping’ing microwaves in the Trump Tower.

Meanwhile, FBI director the Com is privately urging the Dumb Deal’s administration, government, entourage and hangers-on to cough up evidence as well. While the Bad Dude ordered Congress to investigate – microwaves, flat-screens and wiring in his Trump Tower.

What a bit of alternative news can do! Everybody’s busy with fibs by a man totally obsessed with his predecessor. Meanwhile, the investigation into the Russian and other issues continue, Sean Spicer is accused of racism, Bannon is now suspected of fraud, new allegations crop up and travel ban 2 1/2 is being legally challenged … While the environment, healthcare, education, culture and everything else except perhaps the army, is being mauled by the Bad Dude and entourage.

Don’t know about you, but unlike whatever is governing the USA today, I know I’m the only one responsible for toasted meals in my kitchen. I read the microwave manual, before starting to use mine. I doubt it contains hidden camera’s and microphones. Even if it did: last year’s exploding Christmas pudding undoubtedly took care of them.

The UK Independent’s take on the fun: “Kellyanne Conway suggests Barack Obama could have spied on Donald Trump through a microwave”
The UK Guardian: “Kellyanne Conway microwaves that turn into camera’s


About Kate

Multilingual arts & culture journalist, blogger, columnist, writer and translator. Contributor to international (news) media. 2014 winning columnist Gentse Schrijversdagen, Gand, Belgium.
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