Golden handshake

Bet they were all laughing their heads off, in Rome, Saturday. The EU leaders met to discuss the past, present, future of Europe. Gloomy, but bet they laughed themselves silly when the bill for the golden never-happened handshake came up.

When it cropped up on the news – silence suddenly reigned around the breakfast table this morning. Mind: just long enough for the item to sink in. Then two nearly choked on their muesli and one soon had tears streaming down his face, as we all started to guffaw.

Oh no! Really? He did that? OMG! What an oaf!
Dumb Deal was at it again!
The Bad Dude hit the headlines again – for what he’s best at: behaving badly, crudely, being simply awful and showing the world how dumb he is.

The man has no hair, no tan, no manners – and no brains to speak of.

Apparently people explain things to him in bits and bites, ’cause he can’t take in more and it still doesn’t sink in. “Things don’t work this way!” must have been spelled out to him several times. What does White House staff and advisors need to resort to next: baby talk?

The news?
You remember the handshake which never happened?
Dude’s Spice Girl claimed his CEO was deaf and did not hear Angela Merkel?

Perhaps Dumb Deal did not heed Merkel – he just sent her a bill.
Apparently, POTUS charges about 280 billion Euro for not shaking hands!

While I started mopping around the breakfast table, we wondered aloud: if that’s the bill for not shaking hands, how much does he charge for allowing to touch his paw?

How much did May have to pay, for propping him up during their totter? How much did Canada and Japan have to cough up? POTUS held Mr Abe’s hand so long, Japan must have been charged well over 300 billion Euro.

Presenting a bill won’t help relations with the German Minister of Defence and Ms Merkel – even if one’s granddad was German.

Germany won’t pay.
None of us would pay.

After all: Bad Dude promised not to enrich himself while in office, but his organization has not stopped lining his pockets by concluding foreign deals all over the world. Any money handed over, will certainly not benefit Yemen, Human Rights, the environment, earth – any other good cause.

On the other hand …
As POTUS set the example: how much can Britain charge the US for allowing him to visit?
If any decent English man or woman shakes POTUS’ paw on his visit, how much can they charge him?

After all: a US president’s visit costs an awful lot of taxpayer’s money.
Closing the border to POTUS works out a lot cheaper. And as he showed: one can always charge for a fake, imaginary handshake anyway. How’s that for a golden handshake?

Independent: Trump printed out bill
Independent: Trump’s state visit will cost
YouTube: Trump’s weird handshakes


About Kate

Multilingual arts & culture journalist, blogger, columnist, writer and translator. Contributor to international (news) media. 2014 winning columnist Gentse Schrijversdagen, Gand, Belgium.
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