Here goes – mind – a totally alternative take on things. This is a fake story. It is just total presumptions, completely hypothetical – made up for fun.

There is this billionaire, or at least the guy claims to be a billionaire. He is an astute business man, sharp negotiator, successful wheeler-dealer. He claims.

He did go bust about four times. So all the banks in Disneyland do not want to do business with him, bar one foreign bank. So the billionaire gets a loan from that foreign bank.

When he won’t pay back, the bank drags him to court. He drags the bank to court too. This does not break up business relations. The bank continues to do business with this billionaire.

This bank also does business with another country. The leader of the country is called Vlad. Some time later, this bank is investigated for laundering money from Vlad’s country. The bank gets fined.

The bank itself investigates all accounts, but the billionaire is totally clean. Claims this bank. Later, much later, one of the billionaire’s sons claims the family can get all the money they need – from Vlad’s country and close buddies.

This fake story has a lot of twists and plots. Somehow, the billionaire becomes his country’s leader. Suspicious, nasty folks think, he got there with Vlad’s help.

Worse, secret services of other countries smell a rat, caught a whiff, clobbered together a secret report. Problem is, Vlad keeps everything under lock and key, to blackmail people – it is claimed. But it seems, that while on holiday and doing business in Vlad’s country, the billionaire indulged himself.

Not that the billionaire is the only one doing business in Vlad’s country. Several of his friends did business there, got rich there, got paid to attend dinners and appear on telly. Problem is, that many nasty and suspicious people think Vlad’s own buddies are spies and spy-masters.

Once in office, the billionaire found out the job was no fun. Under stress and with his buddies investigated about possible colluding, bribery, corruption, being spies, being blackmailed, getting paid by Vlad’s friends … The billionaire’s tantrums increase in frequency and size.  So do his weird claims.

One of these claims: his predecessor bugged the billionaire’s apartment block and home. People laughed themselves silly. All the various police and secret agent branches in the billionaire’s country told the world, there’s no shred of evidence for this claim.

Much later, with the billionaire still claiming his predecessor and other countries bugged him, the billionaire’s friend Vlad wants a favour. Can billionaire bud receive Vlad’s buddies? Unfortunately, these are suspected of being spies and spy-masters.

Nevertheless, they get to see the billionaire’s White House and special office. Being proud and pleased, Vlad’s friends take snaps and post these on the web for all to see.

What would you do, if you got to see such an important room, which for security reasons, most of the world will never ever be allowed to visit?

End of story?

No: lots of secret agents and police the world over, went ape. They explained that allowing Vlad’s friends into the White House and Oval Office, gave Vlad’s friends a chance to bug the house and office.

End of story?

No: this billionaire will not claim buddy Vlad possibly bugged the White House and Oval Office. This would land the billionaire with egg all over him. He prefers just butter and a bit of marmalade – on his head.





About Kate

Multilingual arts & culture journalist, blogger, columnist, writer and translator. Contributor to international (news) media. 2014 winning columnist Gentse Schrijversdagen, Gand, Belgium.
This entry was posted in Comments, Humor, Politics and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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